I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
