I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
