Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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