"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Less talking, more tequila
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
