just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
