I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
