You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
