Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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