I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
