whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
