hell yes lets make some ravioli
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
