Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
