I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
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