my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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