You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
She even gives head with a lisp.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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