It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
