God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
