I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Randomize