I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
