Don't you send me to vm
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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