6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Randomize
