it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
