Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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