Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
