24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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