Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize