I am in a vortex of obligation.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Randomize
