i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
