Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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