The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize