It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
