my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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