it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
