four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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