honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
