Buhtt sex?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
