my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
