Old men and throwing up are my life now.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
