We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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