It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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