I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
