i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
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