DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
