a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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