Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
