Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
