You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
