It's like a parade of train wrecks.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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