I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
