Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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