remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Randomize
