Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
