Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize