Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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