Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
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