billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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