he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
