Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
