why didn't you poke me back
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
