Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize