worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
