i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
