So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
