My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Randomize
